There was Cowboy Cantankerous,

Who stayed upon Ranch Marvelous.

Never plowed a horse or mule,

Only rode to save on fuel.

His favorite saddle looked brand new.

His chaps were marked with scratches, few.

His boots ne’er saw a speck of mud.

His hat held shape. His hand held Bud.

One day the cattle called his name.

Rodeo would be his fame.

So off to get a rope and bell,

His sights were set on AnnaBelle.

Now, Anna was a Jersey cow,

Whose best friend was a brindle chow.

No one told the ugly dog

His gear was not complete with cog.

Perhaps, Ms Belle had kicked the head

Of chow dog, better known as Fred.

Perhaps, it was the breeding through

That stayed the mutt Anna-true.

Leaning on a fence of wire,

Cowboy thought girls would admire

The bravery of bull ride rough.

AnnaBelle don’t look so tough.

Ol’ Cowboy bragged to who would hear

Of his ability to steer

Bovine in the bucking chute,

And how he’d score with time to boot.

All the bar was sure amazed.

The locals gave Cowboy a haze.

Cause spurs he wore still bore sale tag

And rosin was in hand tooled bag.

Hometown rodeo coming near,

The test of timing begat fear

In heart of bold Cantankerous.

He caught a limp from tripping dust. 

His mouth had put his bod’ in danger.

He felt just like the lonely ranger.

Not a man to waste cudos,

Cowboy watched some videos.

How to ride by Butch and Lane

Memorized, perhaps in vain.

Again, he spied dear AnnaBelle;

Decided to grab rope and bell.

Out he went to pasture fence

Grain in hand, lacking sense,

To give the cow a spin or two,

And try a video trick-per-view.

Which hand would he tie to hope?

He forgot twist was made in rope.

Poured the benzoin into palm

And rosined glove, then leather balm.

He understood the need for balance,

So sand filled top of boot for ballast.

Rope was knotted onto ‘belle.

No one watching in the dale.

From side he tied his hand in loop,

Climbed the fence and tripped on boot.

Commotion scared the milk on hoof.

Fred the dog began to woof.

Cowboy saw a movie scene

Where hero skipped on back of steed.

With hand caught top, he tried like manner.

But boots with sand kicked poor Anna.

Chow dog, worried for his chum,

Bit Cantankerous on the bum.

Rope slid under udder part.

Cowboy’s throat held failing heart.

Jersey cow was running circles.

Cowboy’s hand turning purples.

Still holding to a chunk of jean

Was Fred the brindle. What a scene!

Sometime later ‘tankerous woke.

Somehow the nylon rope had broke.

AnnaBelle was eating grass.

Fred was chewing woven mass.

Feeling south his seat was gone.

Looking down one boot was done.

Hat was missing and front tooth,

Even jaw was feeling ‘looth’.

Parts were sore, before unknown

And still, he had to hobble home.

Pride might also take a beating

In local bar, at common meeting.

Still no one saw the fateful site

Of Cowboy’s ride and fortune’s might.

Feigned limp was now real enough

Arm in sling, wrist in cuff.

Sliding onto stool at counter,

Cantankerous grinned, bought a rounder.

The tale of bravado from busted lip

Would make cause to keep the tip.

Cause while in distant County Fair,

Cowboy told of riding air.

Eight seconds turned to minute’s span,

While waiting on a pickup man.

The bovine was a churning blaze.

Hand was caught in tail a’glazed.

Clown had fallen in the mud.

Cantankerous had to save his blood.

While spurring back to center gate,

The buck that tossed threw into fate

Lost tooth, new hat and bell of black.

While ‘tank’ fell hard upon the back.

So ladies awed and gents befuddled

Listening to the tale and huddled.

Close to death ol’ Cowboy came

Only he knows, astride a dame!        

C Taylor, Jr.    11/26/02

(Copyright applied for as part of a collection, hopefully coming soon to your bookstore!)